When Spiritual Teachers Make You Angry

Most in the West think of spiritual teachers as the all-inclusive types who never defend objective truths they hold, never call anything else error or a lie, but simply smile and praise us when we spew silly ideas that make no sense, remaining entirely agreeable all the time. Perhaps that’s because Westerners tend to be intellectually lazy. Now, I know that is probably going to offend someone, and that’s okay. If it offends you, then perhaps you need this article more than others. Westerners don’t like their presuppositions challenged. Our pseudo-culture of rugged individualism has given birth to a generation of narcissistic, complacent people who just want the spiritual teacher to nod and affirm them in their errors. Any challenge to those errors is met with obstinance. The same can be said for some self-appointed Western spiritual "teachers", as I discovered recently. Not long ago I was the target of heaps of insults by one of these Walmart Buddhas. I dared to question a particularly absurd concept and was told how his deep wisdom was simply beyond my ability to comprehend. When my detractor finally said, “You’re not enlightened”, I really had to laugh. I've never claimed enlightened status. And indeed, few who are would ever say so. The truth is, if we’re incapable of answering basic questions about our presuppositions, should we be so brazen as to attempt teaching others, and are we really in a position to determine who is and is not “enlightened”? His ego was bruised because I didn’t pat him on the head and agree with him but rather asked him difficult questions he was ill-prepared to answer. My sincere question didn't challenge his "wisdom" as much as it apparently challenged his inflated sense of self. His illusions and lust for power and praise had been threatened and he lashed out.

I did the same thing myself many years ago. One of my spiritual teachers would frequently tell me how absurd something I said was, especially when I tried to argue for that absurdity. I recall one time doing my best to argue for the “universe” as needing no origin, and him taking my argument apart piece by piece, each time saying, “Do you understand how absurd this is now?” He wasn’t smiling, he didn’t pat me on the back and say, “Well, I have to respect all ideas equally, so carry on.” He was stern, his voice raised several times, he chastised me in front of the other students, and I felt completely humiliated. And that was good. Why? My ego jumped to the fore when a stupid presupposition I held was challenged. I needed to be corrected and taken down a few notches. But then, after the class he patted me on the back with a big smile and said, “Don’t take it so hard. A loving father will correct his son. To do anything less is neglect.”

The spiritual teacher, no matter how much the lazy, indulgent mind hates it, will piss you off. He will say things to bruise your ego. Think about the times you learned some of your most valuable lessons. If you’re like most people, they were learned under difficult circumstances, not comfortable. Sure, praise, kindness and compassion are important and make you feel wonderful and affirmed, but they don’t teach you anything when you’re wrong. Those who contribute to our development throughout life are those who don’t put up with our stupidity or lethargy. They call us out when we’re wrong, push us into motion when we become static, tell us the truth and challenge our defiance. That is how growth comes. The steel of the blade is forged in fire, not snow. As Social Scientist Brooke Meredith put it:

“..your most poignant, powerful spiritual teachers are the ones who challenge you. The ones who push back where you likely do not know it’s needed. They can be people who disagree with and even insult you.”

Part of developing the consciousness necessary for successful spiritual life is examining concepts and ideas carefully, otherwise we find ourselves simply trading one set of errors for another throughout our lives. Spiritual life isn’t something to be approached so haphazardly. It is serious work and requires serious diligence. Be honest with yourself: do you really want a spiritual teacher, or do you just want someone to act as an echo chamber for your mistaken notions? We can attack our teachers as they appear and cling to our illusions, or we can patiently endure the fires of the challenge and find ourselves growing. Which do you want more? Truth or the illusion?